i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
