she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
