Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
