WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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