I swear she didn't look like that last week.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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