Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
