she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
