I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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