Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
