i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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