Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
