Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize