Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
