Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize