I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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