I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
