coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
