Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
