Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
please come you make the beer taste better
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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