garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
