Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
