Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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