Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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