Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
