youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
