All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
