I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
