I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
