I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
