I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
