none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
