we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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