I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
