Only a mothe r could love this liver
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
