proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
