I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
