My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just pee around me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
