I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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