Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
