There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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