Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
