We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
