If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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