He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
