you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
