Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
