seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
