Come see our sink grown plant.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
