Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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