I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
