If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
