Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
