So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
