So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
