my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You are a genius and a whore.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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