he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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