Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
