I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
