I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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