i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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