I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
