How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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