so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize