WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Hippo gnu deer
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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