forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
