I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Let's paint friendship bongs
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
