How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
