well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize