Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
