the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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