I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
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