I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
