it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
