Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
