Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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