I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We named our party play list daddy issues
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
bring money and cleavage
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
