you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
