Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
