I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have already put on my inside pants.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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