Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
