I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
