Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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