some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
