I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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