I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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