he wants to bone in the snuggie
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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