He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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