just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
