Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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