His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is Oprah even human
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
