I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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