best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
