is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I party with great urgency now.
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