I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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