Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
