is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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