Christians are straight up FREAKS
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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