Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize