I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
