then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
