My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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