dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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