the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
