You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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