When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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