he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize