Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Is it because I queefed?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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