Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
