Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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