Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
