i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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